Last night Dylan and I made double chocolate chip banana pancakes for dinner. It was one of those marvelous days where I thought, I couldn't be happier. I had received a reply from my French host family, which consists of a schoolteacher, a father in the "trade of heifer", a 21-year-old girl who studied abroad in Scotland, and a 15-year-old boy who's studying to become a pastry chef.
When I told my mother about the family, she said, "Wait until that boy sees how gorgeous you are. God, he's going to go crazy!"
Ehh, I have an American boyfriend. And I am so happy. I honestly feel like I'm weightless. I have no responsibilities for the next month. I'm just hanging around the apartment, cooking for my boyfriend who thinks Bertolli is gourmet Italian, and enjoying my last few weeks with my roommates. Laughter, sleep, and sugar. It's all so, so good.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Twenty Eleven
What a coincidence to be blogging right now. I remember my New Year's resolution for 2010 was to begin this blog and update it three times weekly. I'm feeling nostalgic so perhaps I'll rewind and read it from the beginning. It'd be neat to chart my progress (or regression) throughout 2010.
Anyways, I leave for France in thirty days. THIRTY DAYS. I'm still a little anxious about my trip. My French mother has yet to email me back saying that she'll pick me up at the train station, and my visa hasn't arrived. But right now I'm just trying to enjoy the moments I'll miss when I'm gone. You know, like baking cookies with Michelle and Dylan during exam week, ordering pizza with my roomies on snow days, and drunkenly kissing my girlfriends when I've had one too many screwdrivers.
It's all a little overwhelming, and my heart aches at the thought of going. Things in Asheville have been going so well and it seems unfair to have to leave it all behind. It's okay, I keep telling myself. I'll be back. I will. I will. I will.
Anyways, I leave for France in thirty days. THIRTY DAYS. I'm still a little anxious about my trip. My French mother has yet to email me back saying that she'll pick me up at the train station, and my visa hasn't arrived. But right now I'm just trying to enjoy the moments I'll miss when I'm gone. You know, like baking cookies with Michelle and Dylan during exam week, ordering pizza with my roomies on snow days, and drunkenly kissing my girlfriends when I've had one too many screwdrivers.
It's all a little overwhelming, and my heart aches at the thought of going. Things in Asheville have been going so well and it seems unfair to have to leave it all behind. It's okay, I keep telling myself. I'll be back. I will. I will. I will.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Swing Life Away
It's been so long since I've written. I find that when I'm overwhelmed it's difficult to convey my thoughts via writing. But I suppose I should catch you guys up.
This week's been a dangerous combination of ecstasy and dread. Ecstasy because I've been seeing someone and he's the most incredible guy I've ever met. And I could fall in love with him, but I'm leaving for France in two months and I can't bear to think of us being apart. Thus, the dread.
Tuesday night we had a date night. We went to Doc Chey's downtown, where we went on our first date. Then he sang and played his guitar for me at his apartment. He played "Swing Life Away" and now I can't hear that song without thinking about him. Afterwards, I read him some of my poetry. Boys playing guitar are aphrodisiacs for me so we made out, watched a movie, and laid on the couch. He had worn a French cologne and I pressed my face to his neck.
"When you go to France I'm gonna give you a picture of me and I'll spray it with this cologne." He said.
Then he fell asleep and I cried.
This week's been a dangerous combination of ecstasy and dread. Ecstasy because I've been seeing someone and he's the most incredible guy I've ever met. And I could fall in love with him, but I'm leaving for France in two months and I can't bear to think of us being apart. Thus, the dread.
Tuesday night we had a date night. We went to Doc Chey's downtown, where we went on our first date. Then he sang and played his guitar for me at his apartment. He played "Swing Life Away" and now I can't hear that song without thinking about him. Afterwards, I read him some of my poetry. Boys playing guitar are aphrodisiacs for me so we made out, watched a movie, and laid on the couch. He had worn a French cologne and I pressed my face to his neck.
"When you go to France I'm gonna give you a picture of me and I'll spray it with this cologne." He said.
Then he fell asleep and I cried.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Jumping Fences
Tonight was nothing short of a disaster. I went to a party with Kate, Michelle, and Liz and sipped vodka and tea from a water bottle. BPA free. Some foreigner came up and asked me where I was from. Typical. Then we spotted Pete and I dragged him with me the rest of the night.
"Cops!" False alarm. False alarm. TRUE.
Pete and I ran out the back door. I tore off my suede stilettos and jumped a fence. While going over, my leather bag got stuck, I fell to the ground and yelped. Some girl goes, "Honey, pull yourself together." Bitch, please. I am not drunk, one. Two, you are wearing a sports bra and leggings. Check yourself.
Pete grabbed my shoes from the ground and we ran through someone's backyard and into some bushes. I had no idea where my driver was, and Michelle said she was trying to find me. We were on a back road, so there was no street sign. Pete and others wandered back to the party, but I didn't want to risk getting caught by the cops so I stayed in the forest. Alone. Finally, Kate picked me up and we drove home with Liz and Michelle.
Apparently there was a gate beside the fence. No matter. Jumping it was more fun.
"Cops!" False alarm. False alarm. TRUE.
Pete and I ran out the back door. I tore off my suede stilettos and jumped a fence. While going over, my leather bag got stuck, I fell to the ground and yelped. Some girl goes, "Honey, pull yourself together." Bitch, please. I am not drunk, one. Two, you are wearing a sports bra and leggings. Check yourself.
Pete grabbed my shoes from the ground and we ran through someone's backyard and into some bushes. I had no idea where my driver was, and Michelle said she was trying to find me. We were on a back road, so there was no street sign. Pete and others wandered back to the party, but I didn't want to risk getting caught by the cops so I stayed in the forest. Alone. Finally, Kate picked me up and we drove home with Liz and Michelle.
Apparently there was a gate beside the fence. No matter. Jumping it was more fun.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Fifteen
Saturday night was Diana's quinceanera. It was a 9.5-hour party that ended with me, barefoot and wrapped in a white tuxedo jacket, walking to my car.
That night, I sat by a fire that was too hot. I listened to the sounds of the mariachi band. I danced with several boys. It kept me warm. I wanted to steal some wine, but Mama pulled me away, said, "You're driving."
Throughout the ceremonies, I couldn't help but compare this family with mine. This, I thought, looking at the three-tiered cake Lucero had made for her daughter, how she had decorated their backyard to compensate for 100 guests...this is family. Love is not selfish. Then Lucero came up to me before I left, kissed my cheek, and said, "You are my family."
It was cold, but I linked arms with a boy who shares my name. The ground was wet beneath my bare feet but I didn't care.
That night, I sat by a fire that was too hot. I listened to the sounds of the mariachi band. I danced with several boys. It kept me warm. I wanted to steal some wine, but Mama pulled me away, said, "You're driving."
Throughout the ceremonies, I couldn't help but compare this family with mine. This, I thought, looking at the three-tiered cake Lucero had made for her daughter, how she had decorated their backyard to compensate for 100 guests...this is family. Love is not selfish. Then Lucero came up to me before I left, kissed my cheek, and said, "You are my family."
It was cold, but I linked arms with a boy who shares my name. The ground was wet beneath my bare feet but I didn't care.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Regret
I've never been one for regrets. I follow my heart, so at one point, this is what I wanted. However, I've recently wondered if I haven't been a little rash in my decisions. A part of me regrets breaking up with Pierre, despite how immature he was about the whole situation. Was I really in the wrong here? Maybe, I don't know. A big part of me feels like I really fucked up. I can't look at those pictures from Montreal without feeling sick to my stomach, like I lost something very special. What was once the most incredible week of my life now brings me pain. I had this fairy tale romance, and I let it go. Maybe it was for the best. I mean, one could hardly call it a relationship. We only talked every week or so...but still. A part of me wonders if I'm a huge fuck-up.
On top of that, I think a small part of me really loved Pierre. Well, what is love anyway.
On top of that, I think a small part of me really loved Pierre. Well, what is love anyway.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Bedbugs
It's been a shitastic week. Yesterday Pierre and I broke up and today we discovered bedbugs in our apartment. The entire afternoon was spent ziplocking our mattresses and fumigating our bedrooms. Now it's 12:30 AM, I'm exhausted, and I have to wait for my sheets and pillows to be cleaned before I can go to bed.
I set aside a bottle of wine for tonight, but nothing fun happened. I suppose that's for the best. I spent the night reading and watching Wilson and Taylor make apple chips. But I won't lie. It's been hard having my two roommates with their boyfriends here this weekend. I didn't think our breakup would affect me that much, but it has. I've sobbed and everyone knows that nothing kills confidence like a terminated relationship.
On the bright side, I think I'm going to the spa tomorrow with Kristi. And fall break starts on Thursday. Hopefully things will start looking up.
I set aside a bottle of wine for tonight, but nothing fun happened. I suppose that's for the best. I spent the night reading and watching Wilson and Taylor make apple chips. But I won't lie. It's been hard having my two roommates with their boyfriends here this weekend. I didn't think our breakup would affect me that much, but it has. I've sobbed and everyone knows that nothing kills confidence like a terminated relationship.
On the bright side, I think I'm going to the spa tomorrow with Kristi. And fall break starts on Thursday. Hopefully things will start looking up.
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