Or the account of my decline into barbarism (and all of the lovely, mad people who helped me do it).

Monday, April 19, 2010


I'm far too acquainted with Nissan Altimas. This isn't necessarily a good thing. Why?

My first car.
My first boyfriend's car.
My first wreck.

My first boyfriend, my first wreck. Oh, how they relate!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Am Beautiful

It's been a rough day. Actually, it's been a great week. But my ex is being a dickhead and I don't deserve it. In response, here are all of the reasons I'm incredible and, thus, much too good for him.

1. Je parle fran├žais.
2. My hair? Fabulous.
3. I've made Dean's List every semester.
4. I'm saving my virginity.
5. I'm one of the only girls who can wear four-inch heels daily without complaint.
6. I've lost 17 lbs since last summer.
7. My boobs are perfect. I'm a perky 34C.
8. I can juggle a double major.
9. After I graduate, I'm going to Princeton.
10. John Mayer totally saw me in Lousiville...

Monday, April 12, 2010

Phone Number

I'm sitting, drinking black coffee at 11:11 PM. Make a wish. Fuck that. Make a change.

Let's start over. I'm sitting here with some random boy's number scribbled on my hand. He stopped me while I was pumping gas and told me I was beautiful.


"Not anymore." I said, grinning.

"Here's my number. Call me?"

"Hmm." Nope.

The attention was nice, much-needed after the recent plummet in my confidence. Still, I will not resort to picking up boys at gas stations.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

My Stupid Mouth

I made an ass out of myself last night at formal. I was in the car with my date, Aaron, and Laura and Jaime, who are friends with my ex-boyfriend. Aaron was giving me shit about being a John Mayer fan so I yelled, "DANIEL!"



Thursday, April 8, 2010


There's a boy in my fiction class who looks like Holden Caulfield. He was even kicked out of private school, so of course he's my type. He started talking to me after we sat together at a poetry reading on campus, and we've been chatting ever since.

"You should test the waters." Taylor said.

Jennifer and Michelle acted as enablers and urged me forward. "Do it." they said.

No, I shouldn't! He is bad, a bad boy. Christ, what is it about me that attracts bad boys? It's because I'm good. I smell sweet, so they come thirsty like mosquitoes to sweat in the summertime.

And so it begins...