I'm seriously considering dropping my literature major. I no longer love reading, and it's a shame because Barnes & Noble used to be my haven. Now I buy books but never manage to read them. I recently wrote a note on Facebook entitled "On Literature" which outlines how I feel about studying literature. Basically, school really took the joy out of it. I wanted to be a creative writer because I love stories: fabricating them, sharing them, and hearing them. I love how Paradise Lost made me feel the first time I read it, how there's nothing better than enjoying a good novel past 3 AM, how satisfying it is to finish another book, shelf it, and choose another. But I haven't felt this way about reading for several months now.
I also miss writing. Since I finished my novel two years ago, I haven't been able to write another long fiction piece. My attention span is too short. I've written a few things in my writing workshops, and I'm proud of some of them. But when I write now, all I can think of is the criticism in the back of my head. What's the point in writing if I know it will never be good enough? Do I really have the courage or resilience to spend months- even years - on a project, only to be dissatisfied in the end? I miss writing and having fun with it. I still love creating characters and stories, but I cannot communicate them on a page. And isn't that what a writer does?
I'm still in love with the spirtual aspects of literature. I know how powerful words can be. I love that you can manipulate them to make someone cry or laugh or sigh. I love that, and I love experiencing those emotions when I read a good story.
Damn. I don't know what to do. In a perfect world, I would drop literature for International Studies, because after traveling to Italy I know that I want to continue studying French and foreign languages. However, it's too late now. I will never graduate on time if I switch. Besides, I'm almost done with literature so I should just finish it. After all, the classes honed my writing. Maybe this is just a phase. I hope it is.