Or the account of my decline into barbarism (and all of the lovely, mad people who helped me do it).

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Last night Daniel tried to get me back. Again. The whole conversation was frightening, because Daniel kept telling me how much more time he had now. He could come see me on campus, eat lunch with me, see me in the mornings...etc. I started to compare the offer with Pierre's situation. He's overseas. We won't go on dates or be together again until January. As soon as I noticed myself comparing, I told Daniel he was being unfair and he should just respect my decision. He's gonna take some time away from me for awhile, which is for the best.

As if the past 72 hours haven't been strange enough, I was getting ready for bed when Pierre texted me good night and told me he loved me. I texted him back but he had already gone to sleep. Well, shit. What the hell is that? Love? What is that anyway? I sure as hell don't know. I've never felt it.

This morning Pierre contacted me like he always does. I asked him about last night, thinking it might just be a cultural difference. He said, "I know it's strange but sometimes I feel like I really do love you. Last night was one of those times."

I didn't know what to say. I've only known him three weeks so naturally I'm confused at his affection. But if it's one thing I've learned it's never to judge someone's feelings. I remember seeing young girls in love and thinking, How dumb! How can they say they're in love? They don't know what love is! But then I experienced these feelings and was infinitely frustrated when people told me to "get real."

I feel like I'm there now. People have been rather cynical about my relationship with Pierre. They don't take it seriously because of our distance, but if I want this to work (which I do), I can't have people whispering doubts in my ear. I understand everyone's concern, but I prefer to make my own mistakes. Indeed, when a girl's infatuated she doesn't want to heed her mother's warnings, she wants to boast of newfound love.

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